• Apr 24, 2023
One of my favorite quotes these days is:
The purpose of a debate is learning, not winning.
I mentioned in a post last week about “Seek to Understand First”, and these two quotes go together. Part of debate is listening. Part of understanding is listening. We should be much better listeners. It does seem to be a practice which has fallen out of favor, giving in to the desire to win.
I like listening. Sometimes I like talking. I would like to think I am a pretty good listener. Sometimes I wonder, but I try. I want to understand how the other person is feeling, and what they need right now. Sometimes we all just need a hug, and we are aware of that need even when the other doesn’t say anything. Sometimes the person who doesn’t get out much needs more time with you, just to have someone to talk to.
I like to think that I do more than hear the words, but that I am getting better at listening to the words and discerning the need; the feeling; the urgency, of the other. I have recently been called “motherly”, “maternal”, and “nurturing”. Now I felt like I hit the motherlode when someone referred to me as nurturing.
A listener, kind, supportive, encouraging, compassionate, understanding, patient, resilient, helpful.
Two huge compliments stand out for me about listening from the last week. The first was being referred to as “motherly”; and someone to look up to. You want to tell someone how valued they are? Tell them, truthfully of course, they are a role model for you.
The second was being referred to as “nurturing”. How by listening I can create a “safe place” for the other to feel comfortable talking about whatever is bothering them. This is called psychological safety; or being vulnerable. For me, it is one of the most important ways to show how much you care about the people around you.
Even when you can’t do anything for them, giving someone an outlet to voice their concerns can be enough. It has been for me many times.
My sister is a role model for me. I find her nurturing. And we both learned it from our parents.
Thanks Mom and Dad for being the role models and teachers to guide me (and my sister) to be the women we are today.